So I’ve been to see Orphan Fight: 2016. Let me begin by saying how much of a DC fanboi I am not, but I know my way around the stuff that matters. The more I have seen advertised about the DCCU, the more I become less and less excited about it. The Dark Knight Trilogy (TDKT) has a lot to answer for; like the entire setting of the DCCU. Seriously at no point should Superman be dark, gritty, or in an R-rated movie. Where Cap is a walking flag, Supes is a FLYING flag.
I honestly think that TDKT has ruined DC movies as much as IMHO Bourne killed Bond. Let me also state that I wanted this movie to be bad, almost as much as I wanted to see Manbat and Space Jesus on screen together.
Oh boy, I was not disappointed on either front. Well, for a movie that promised BvS, we got far too little BvS action…but more on that front later.
We start with Wruce Byane’s back story cause that’s good use of time, it’s not like almost half a dozen other movies did that already over the past thirty years or anything. And that robber/mugger sucks by the way, he should have moved his gun a little bit down to avoid those pearls going everywhere. Anyone would think that was just for the cinematography.
Oh its a dream.
I’m going to save time and just skim the rest. For reasons.
Supes saves Lois
Who’s that wonderous woman?
Supes doing normal stuff
Bat dream sequence
“Who’s that wonderous woman. I betcha really want to know”
OMG its a wonderous woman and she’s busy watching teasers for the next movies. PLS WATCH OUR OTHER MOVIES WHEN THEY ARRIVE OMGOMGPLZ
Luther planned it all in a convoluted plot where…zzzz
1h 30min, we get Manbat Vs Space Jesus. Really.
1h 37min, OMG YOUR MOM’S CALLED MARHTA TOO??!?!
Bat fannies around while WONDERWOMAN and Supes battle a cave troll. Oh no, Supes has to go and save Lois again. Bat remembers his Kryptonian-mist-Bat-Shark-repellent.
Sadly however its too big to fail. That is all.
The next DC fail will be Suicide Squad.