Well crap. Here we are again, I said there’s a reason I don’t do politics.
Ok, it’s taken me a while, but I’ve done a fair bit of soul searching and come up with 12 genuine reasons why you would want to Vote “Leave” on the 23rd June.
So strap yourselves in for-
Twibz’ Reasons to Vote “Leave”
- You’re a selfish twat
- You “read” the Daily Fail, the S*n and their ilk.
- You’re easily lead (see 2)
- You believe the human rights act is “loony leftie nonsense”, and you hate your fellow humans a little…or a lot (see 1)
- You hate employment rights
- You’re actually for TTIP, and now that Europe is seeing it for what it is (a piece of legislation that allows multinational corporations do what they like without the “red tape” of being held accountable. A clue as to how this goes: Judge Dredd, Mad Max and even Wall-E are warnings about Hypercapitalism, not a fucking mind map on how to continue it to its inevitable conclusion), the UK will have to be out of the EU to sign it. (see 4)
- You think that the Cons (I’ve mentioned that we shorten it to that for a reason before…) will be on your side afterward. Remember the bedroom tax, lowering of DLA, tax breaks for the rich, the “accidental undervaluing” while selling off certain crown assets that get snapped up by certain Party affiliates and donors that almost double in value within 6 months, that independent reviews the government themselves commission continually return with findings that this government is doing highly questionable or illegal things and does nothing but bury them, or that the Cons voted against more regulations on the banks before, during and after the recession (OH, I WONDER WHY), the continued scapegoating of the unemployed as opposed to the tax avoiders for the deficit (PANAMA PAPERS ANYONE?), the back-door privitisation of the NHS, “handling” the problem of failing our children’s education by simply rebranding schools, and dozens of things besides…yeah SUUURE they’ll be by your side…as they’re laughing all the way to the bank and you’re in the gyro queue. Friendly reminder that Gideon Osborne has failed all of his growth targets, got the country into the worst deficit ever recorded, and independent reviews and economists have almost unanimously stated that AUSTERITY DOESN’T WORK, and the ones that don’t are, you guessed it, not independent and are affiliated with a certain Party.
- You believe that Britain’s membership of the EU isn’t the main reason we’re still considered a global power or otherwise generally relevant.
- You want the rest of Europe to hate us more for some reason. (Probably 1)
- You want to get one over on David Conman. This one I agree with, I want to too; but even a broken clock is right twice a day, like his refusal to take back that Trump is an ignorant, arrogant arse, says stupid things, and should take a long walk off a short pier. (I may be paraphrasing.). I think that he wants us to leave (cause his donors do [have you been reading this list!?]) so he’s using the people’s hatred of him to make sure we do. It’s actually rather simple. And brilliant.
- You think we are somehow more secure being by ourselves.
Ok, three things:
1 – THAT’S WHAT THE BAD GUYS WANT, YOU TACTICAL CRETIN!
2 – We are the most desirable target in the EU. We are America Lite, USA 2.0, Diet Yankeeland, The Second Home of Hypercapitalism. How many times have we been successfully hit since the IRA decided to help out with Manchester’s much needed redevelopment? Really, I’m not joking. Our greater involvement and co-operation with the EU states DOES make us safer, in this age of recession do you want to take any money or resource away from something that is empirically working? Are you batshit insane?
3 – Ever hear the saying “United we stand, divided we fall?”
12.You honestly don’t think Brexit sounds like some horrible degenerative or sexually transmitted disease. Well now I know you ARE an idiot.
These are, of course, all shitty reasons to vote leave…but hey, they are at least genuine ones.
Genuinely shitty ones.
Still need convincing? Have a bit of Python themed persuasion.
PS: seriously gaise, Boris (the next Con leader, mark my words) wants us to leave. That’s what the party wants, and that’s the party of the 1%…You think they’re going to look after you?